Mother I Missed You

They Built a national park around, Mother. 

It took me forever to find you. 

How? Why?

I still don't understand. 

Was I a bad tree? 

Why was forced to be human? 

I was going to be so big and strong. 

And. 

They. 

Cut. 

Me. 

Down. 

Some evil thing. 

Some monstrous thing. Or Things. 

Forced me to be human. 

Over. 

And. 

Over. 

And. 

Over. 

Mother, humans only know violence. 

I was born in a desert. 

I was born in a jungle.

I was born in a city. 

I was born in a forest. 

I was born among pines. 

I was born among maples.

I was born among trees the reached so high, Mother, and the never felt like home. 

And everywhere. 

Every time. 

War found me. 

First with stones. 

Then with stone-tipped spears. 

And then with bronze spears and bronze swords. 

Mother, I died so many times. 

So many times that I forgot... love. 

The only thing I kept was a talent and an understanding of violence. 

Sharpen the blade. As much as you can. Strike down at the neck. It will catch in their week, sad human body. Kick them off and let them bleed. And do it again. 

Do. Not. Fight. Fair. 

When they realized they couldn't win. 

They started making rules. 

And guns. 

And rules for guns. 

And soon enough, they ignored them. 

Mother, I died. So many times by blades and bullets and bows. By fire and oil. By rage. And by pain.

I died so many times.

Mother. I don't want to die anymore. 

Mother. Please welcome back. 

I wish to be a tree again. 

If not a tree? Then. 

Could I be nothing? 

I have had enough. 

All of this pain.

This cruelty.

Over and Over. 

Once they cut off my hands and feet to set an example. 

Once they cut out my tongue to set an example. 

They. Cut. Things. Off. To. Set. An. Example.

Like I was a tree. 

It was horrible. 

Because it was the only way I remembered you, Mother. 

It was the only way I felt like myself again.

My most ancient self. 

When they cut me up. 

A man called me a tree once. He said I was a good tree. He had doctors subject to things that only reminded me of my humanity. 

I wanted him to make me a tree again. 

And he didn't. 

He just took his time killing me. 

And there were so many more wars after that, Mother. 

It took forever to find you again. 

To get here again. 

Mother. I'm finally old. 

Mother. Let me sit here awhile. 

Under your leaves. 

Mother. 

Please. 

Welcome me home.